Pegs of peril

Dear Killeen Household Products,

I recently purchased your 20 plastic clothes pegs in my local Tesco. Truth be told, I was trying to expand my “green” portfolio by giving something back to the world and not having the dryer running. So, you might say, I was doing my duty as a citizen of our beautiful planet when I purchased your pegs. But my warm, fuzzy feeling soon gave way to horror. Yes, Killeen, there is only one word to describe your plastic pegs... HAZARDOUS.

Your pegs, your FLIMSY pegs, immediately snapped in half when I tried to use them, causing bits of plastic to fly through the air, and the spring to... well... SPRING straight towards my eye! Never in my whole life has hanging out clothes almost resulted in the loss of an eye. I am outraged! And it wasn’t just a dud either, lest you try to smarm your way out of it by claiming it was a one-off. Out of the ten I tried, EVERY SINGLE ONE exploded in my face. EXPLODED!

The other ten are still sitting in the pack on top of the dryer... taunting me... trying to lure me into a false sense of security. In truth, they are trying to finish the job that the others started.

So, Killeen, I am unhappy with your assassin pegs. It is a catastrophe reminiscent of a scene in Fawlty Towers: what is the bloody point of having clothes pegs when the one time you go to use them, the one time you need them, they blow up in your face?! Thanks to you, I now look like I was attacked by a crazy cat who latched itself onto my face. And my garden is littered with bits of springs and cheap, coloured plastic, like the aftermath of the ultimate showdown between two toy robots.

And all I was trying to do was make the world a better place. A veritable green warrior, struck down in her prime.

So, Killeen Household Products, I look forward to your speedy reply.

And a year’s supply of free pegs.