The "noughtie" decade

Now I've been asked a lot of strange things in my time, but even I was shocked when I was stopped tonight in the street by a man and his female companion and asked if I'd like to join them at a swingers party they were going to.

I mean, it's either a huge compliment or a huge insult, right? They're either saying "We think you're attractive" or "Hey, you look like someone with loose morals".

So what is it about me? I constantly attract the mentally (and now morally) disturbed. And it's not even like I was prancing around in a micro mini-skirt and shiny boob tube, teetering on 6-inch heels with only a pair of large, gold hoop earrings to balance me.

No, I was very demure in black trousers and flats.

And I still attracted the weirdos.

And they seem to be a growing breed. Long gone are the days when you were locked up or burned at the stake for even so much as a sideways glance. You could barely even sleep with your own partner (and even at that you had to have a damn good excuse). Now you can sleep with whoever you like, whenever you like, partner or not. Quite the leap.

Personally, I blame secularism. I mean, let's face it, you wouldn't be propositioning people in the street if priests were still in charge. You'd get the lashing of a lifetime.

No, it was a secular slippery slope that led to swinging.

So now there's a Pervy Pete and Loose Lilly lurking on random street corners, waiting to pounce with their indecent proposals. There's a Sleazy Simon in aisle three, asking you what size condoms you think he should buy and whether you want to try them out with him (yes, sadly, another thing that's happened to me). There's a Dirty Dan waiting behind your wall to steal your underwear off the line and catch a glimpse of you through your bedroom window (not yet, thankfully).

So barricade the doors, lock up your daughters, and cling to your Bible for dear life. Only religion can save you now!

... Unless, of course, you recall that trifling matter of the sex abuse scandal...